when u appeared by my side,
all i thought of were
regrets.

letting go was a mistake.
but,
i had no faith
no strength,
to hold on tightly.

if i held on tight,
would sweet memories
be left behind?

or simply hardships
and pains?

sweet memories before we parted
stays emblazoned on my mind.
wanting to erase all of these,
but,
i failed.

when can i put the past behind
and walk ahead

to search for something better,
something i will never let go

till the day...


i die...

comment? / top

- band -

24th Feb '06

well.
it's a short fri.
SPE. but had MC.
mahs lecture.
was reading magazine.
chinese lecture.
watch video.

heh heh.

den band time.
waited for mag to end lesson.
went to uncle louis.
only prata.

argh.

felt uncomfortable.
wanted to puke.
but nth came out.

sianded.

health talk.
yawns.

band.
combine.
all was tired.
so ended at 630.

rushed to yishun
for alumni.

=D

tired.
throat hurts.

sigh.

glad to see my darlings again.
[ helen zijun and xiufeng ]

tml gonna be at O&M
for some interview.
earn $$ for prom.
hurhur.

-------------------------

comment? / top

- sick -

it hurts so badly.
my throat.

woke up.
couldnt even speak.
stayed home.

went to see doc.
it was scary.

he wanted me do an op.
to remove
the swollen tonsils
that are huge.

- gosh -
terrified.


- miss my mei-meis in sch -
so touched by their sms-es.
hugs galz.
u gals siimply rock.

=D

- missing u. -
wished u were here.
i would feel better.

-----------------------------

call me a bitch
i dun care.
i admit i'm have faults.
BUT
i'm aware of mine.

wad about u? do u?

comment? / top

- bored -

been thinking alot lately.

life is so unpredictable.
it was a close shave.

few weeks back.
i was troubled.
i was terrified.
i teared.

i fear he would leave us behind
as he enters another realm,
the kingdom of lord.

but i thank god for giving him
the strength to fight on.
and he pulled through.

- jiayou -

thanks to shannie chingie lynnie mag...etc
whu has constantly been there when i broke down,
thanks for ur comfort and care.
love ya guys.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

it's been a while since i felt this way.
i'm tired.
energy's drained.
to the fullest.

i can no longer continue
this chase.

it hurts so much.

this is the price to pay.
i guess.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

came upon my journal.
flashes of the past came to my mind.

the toughest period of my life.

facing everything.
alone.

depression period.

i was shocked.

will i face the same phase again in the near future?

help.

comment? / top

- long time no see -

FRI, 17th Feb '06

went back cchy
after tpjc.
tiring.

climbed up the stairs.
heard weipeng's warming up.
met some alumnis.
long time no see man.
lolz.

after band pract.
went BK at north point
to eat.
hungry.
munch.

went home.
lilo accompanied me.

=)
love ya girl.
thanks for being there all these while.
hugs.

- happy bdae granny -

SAT, 18th Feb '06

well.
woke up in the morning.
watched tv.
crapped with sis.
den off we went to
crystal jade
at parkway.

met up with the rest of my family.
uncles aunts cousins.

sis and jiefu came too.
weee... sis tummy is getting bigger.
DUH.
lolz.
cant wait.
for the addition to our family.
=D

went back home.
cut cake.
den sis and jiefu stayed for dinner.
played uno.
and i lost to them.
argh.

lolz.
fun fun fun.
=)

- church -

SUN, 19th Feb '06

well.
went church this morning.
met a couple of friends.
went home.
slacked.
watch tv.
more uno.

gosh.

i SUCK at it.
argh.

fun fun fun.

- sch -

MON, 20th Feb '06

sch.
tired.
thanks to uno till 12 plus.
haha.

went TM.
with shan lynn ching and xinni.
had long john's
den went back to sch
while shan left for home.

=)

had a meeting.
discussed stuff.

gosh.

really disappointing.
but jiayou pple.

yups.

have faith.

- home -

- ching's absent -

TUES, 21th Feb '06

well ching is not here today.
heh heh.

had pe.
ran 4 rounds
with time limit
of 12mins.

[ great job ellien. ]

=D

after sch
went TM again
with shannie and lynnie
had pasta mania
met mel mag clarie v.feng

chatted. laughed.
fun fun fun.

=)

shopped ard.
den farhan came.

left for home.
i took 31.
shan took train.
[ sorry gal din acc u =( ]

home again.
sore throat.
the bug is going around.

TC PPLE.

comment? / top

- yday, FRI 10th Feb '06 -

it's jocelyn's birthday!!
haha.
in the morning,
gave her a surprise!
she's touched.

=)
[ happy bdae gal. love ya ]

den SPE.
had dance.
so fun.

den maths lect and chinese.
got bored.
and a bit of mood swing.

sorry dear iluians.

band pract was quite dead.
worried for my dear J1s.
[ hope u guys did well =) ]
[ wad's done is done le.
[ as long as u guys done ur v best ]

den went for dinner at kfc
with band mates.

den went haagen daz for ice-cream.
treated jocelyn.
=)

came home.
dead.
tired.
bored.

- thanks chingie shannie and lynnie -
thanks for being there when i broke down.
all i needed were hugs from u guys.
thanks so much.
love ya all. =)

- daphne and mag -
thanks for juz sitting there in silence.
company from u guys
is enough.
=)


- Today, 11th Feb '06 -

woke up late.
dad told me to get ready
for town.

gonna get me my E730.
so happy.
traded in my K700
tat worthed $200.
and got my E730 for juz.

$28!!

heh heh.

den went to
tan tock seng hospital.

entered the ICU.
seeing him lying on his bed
motionless.

my heart aches and breaks.
nearly broke into tears.
but i had to stay strong.

suddenly,
he tried opening his eyes.
but failed.

however,
his hands moved.
conscious.

he wanted to write a note.
but,
hands were weak.

- rest well my dear granduncle -
[ i have faith in u. jiayou. <3>

soon i was home.
rushed to toa payoh.
had snacks at burger king's
with xiufeng.

den went to the platform
to meet mag.
took train to newton.
met up with bandmates.
[ hwaee and her friend clement edwin yogi jessica shimin ]

buses were packed.
and it was running late.
we cabbed.

reached the hall.
enjoyed the concert.
met some band fest friends.

=)

well.
took 48 home.
here i am.
blog.

=)

- another truth tat struck me -

comment? / top

H A P P Y

B I R T H D A Y

T O

J O C E L Y N !!

- hey gal. enjoy this blessed day wth farnie and all ur good friends ya. tc always. smiles. may all wishes come true and mayb u be blessed with good health. =) love ya always.

comment? / top

- lilo -
well well. cant believe sat is coming sooo soon. heh heh. cant wait.. miss ya soo much. i definitely want u. i will nv forget our friendship man!! hugs hugs.. u're the best. muacks.

- kenny -
heh heh. counting down to ur return. 5 weeks aye? miss ya my beloved bro.

- menghiang -
so glad to receive ur sms. thanks so much for listenin to my probs and concerning for me. u tc too kies. rest well. jiayou. hugs. love ya. miss ya.

- jun -
so sorry. busy busy. yup. tc and all the best in sch. =)

- ilu -
u gals have been a wonderful bunch manz. cant believe we made it for the annual college run. the top 480 position. wee. great manz.

- mag -
i noe it's hurting to hear those words. but dun worry kies. treasure every moment of friendship ba. =) hugs.

- daph -
yes yes. i noe u love me. heh heh. i love ya too. hugs. see ya ard. =)

- grace -
heh heh. how have u been gal? realy really really long since we gossip thru sms manz. hugs.

- ALL J1s -
dun panic! the results will be out in hours time. all the best and good luck. =) wad's done is done. so juz remember tat u guys did ur very best can le! hugs.

- ALL J2s -
CNY is over! let's buck up in studies as well as band! jiayou peeps. seeya all ard in sch. =)

- CCHY JUNIORS -
havent seen u guys for very very long time. how have u guys been? concert coming aye. work hard. see ya guys soon..... =)

- chocolate fever -


comment? / top

= thurs, 9th Feb '06 =

well.
another long tiring day.
was feeling alrite in the morning.
physics tutorial.

pissed towards the end.
[ shut up pls. ]

then came chem tutorials.
was quite unhappy.

heard some truth.
my mood sank.

totally.

once again.
fate.

den physics lecture.
my mood was raised
once again.
thanks to ching and her CBOX-MSN

- moody me -

after sch.
met up with mag at the hall.
played badminton.
rained heavily.

rained became smaller.
went to run round the track.
halfway,
it rained.

i ran my way.
sorry mag.
i juz wanted to vent my frustrations.

i din wan to tear in front of u.
for i noe u'll be worried.
so i dashed for it.
so sorry.

half a min worth of tears.
i vented my anger and frustrations.

- siimply frustrated -

after tat, took 29 with shan
to interchange.
den mum called.
no dinner.
so had dinner at kfc with shan.

thanks gal for accompanying me.
all the lame jokes and gossips.
lol.

=)

hmmm. tat's my thurs.
din feel really good ever since morning.
simply unhappy.

- once again.
i'm enlightened with the truth.
i've had enough. -

comment? / top

- monday - 6th Feb '06 -

- moody -

well.
juz received the worst news.
ever.
i fear.
terrified.
i broke down.
tears kept flowing.

dun wan lose another of my loved one in this family.
dun wan.

- tears -

sectionals.
many din turn up.
- sian -

went off for dinnerwith mag at uncle louis.
den took 12 back.
- missing you -


- tuesday - 7th Feb '06 -

well.
mood was alrite.
quite happy.

till something happen.

- sigh -

fate rite.
i shall juz be contented
with wad i have now.

- tired of everything -
- letting go -

hmmm
went to TM
with shannie chingie and lynnie.
to watch I NOT STUPID TOO.

it was touching.
a very good show i haf to say.

- applause for Jack Neo -

- teared -
so did chingie and lynnie.

tml.
another movie.
fearless.

well..
went suntec with shannie.
got our pair of shorts.
had dinner at auntie annie's.

- tired -

- home -

comment? / top

- visiting -

well.. met the grp at pasir ris mrt station.
[ guirong jeffrey shannie chingie andrew me and paul ]

first stop was at ching's house. haha.

ching's mama cooked lunch for us. it was delicious.
[ yummy ]

den we played 2 rounds of twister.
it was so fun.
shannie guirong and i had to use double-sided tapes.
[ haha. censored. ]

den we left for longhui's house.

played more twister and gambled.

left with shannie at bout 630.

took a cab.
sent shannie home.
den reached queenstown.

sis was pissed.
thank goodness it wasnt for long.

played uno with erjie and jie-fu.
heh heh. i won 2 rounds.
=)
[ jiefu getting rusty. lolz ]

reached home.
raining.

got lectured.
[ sorry bh. for not answering ur call ]

- sigh-
spoil mood.

comment? / top

- wee -

going visiting soon.

- tc -



-yingying - tc kies. study study! =)

comment? / top

- lilo -
dear dear lilo. i miss u so much. it's been soo long since we last hang out.
heh heh. once i complete my A-lvls.. confirm go out like mad de. heh.
miss u so badly. take care kies. dun always fall sick ya? hugs.
=)

- kenny -
快点回来 ! miss u so much sia. see u in msn. u oso nv say anything.
faster come back la. somehow i miss ur suan-ing. heh.

- meng hiang -
dear gal. i noe it is hard for u. hang on. i'm sorry i haven been sms-ing u.
love u. take care. jiayou. god bless. hugs.

- jun -
hmmm... no matter wad happens, jiayou. u've the courage that most dun have.
all the best in sch ya? take care.

- mag -
thanks for being there when i am down. i noe u are facing probs too.
all i can say is relax. i'm also in no position to advice u on those matters,
but..treasure evey bit of wad u haf now... =)

- daph -
weee.. sooo long nv talk to u le. miss our crazy times in band and after band.
muz go dinner with me one day hor!! heh heh. hugs.

- ilu -
hey galz. u guys siimply rock my world. take care and god bless. love ya. hugs.

- everyone else -
all the best in everything u do. take care. god bless. miss ya all. hugs. =)

comment? / top

- g r e a t d a y -
=)


comment? / top

- the truth -

- it hurts badly -

- i wished i never knew -

- but like they all said -

- the longer it is, the worse it gets -

- so, is it a bliss or disaster to face the truth -

comment? / top

time and time again.
such things happen to me.

i've tried my best.
to keep clear of such matters.

but i failed.

tot all these were juz for now.
but i was wrong.

i am badly affected.
depressed.

no one understands how i feel.
this is the result
for one's own wishful thinking.

i regret falling for this.
now it hurts.

hoping very hard
the wound would heal.

but all these takes time.

or maybe,
before it heals,
it gets hurt.

again.

comment? / top

- back -

com had some problems.
finally cured of it's illness.

unlike it's owner.
still suffering.
medication works.
for now.

wonder till when i can last.

oh well. had band pract today.
many din turn up due to chingay and stuff.

take care and enjoy people.

=)

stayed back with mag and grace for alumni.
glad to see my seniors again.
really missed them.

=)

cabbed home with mag
skipped pool session with hwaee kiongwee and boonhwee.

affected by stuff.
dun wan elaborate.

=(

home.
tired.
sore eyes.
speechless.


- i smile now to hide my tears. -

it's been so long since i felt tis way.
i'm speechless.
devastated.
broken-hearted.
but..
i'm immuned.

deleting every single memory.
washing away every single detail.

- forget it -

many things happened this week.
been a long and tiring week.
really disappointed.

hope all this end soon.

comment? / top