As the title suggests, yes it has been two weeks since we decided to end the relationship and stay as mutual friends. Looking back at the memories we shared, i have no idea how we could bring ourselves to this decision? Have we made a hasty decision to start the relationship on 10th Aug? Or, have we been rash in ending this relationship on 19th Sept? It felt like a long roller coaster ride that i can never get off. Or rather, i dont want to. I have no idea what i am holding on to. i dont know what the future lies for me, for him nor for us (if there still is a us). All i know, it hurts so badly right now.. it has been each day since the 19th. I am living in denial now. each day, i smile and pretend everything is fine. But, is it? Is it really fine? Am i really ok? I dont think so. All i know is that i miss him so much. day by day, it gets worse. :'( I scan through the pictures, read back at the messages, think of the places we been to, etc. They were just too much to forget. Like i always say, i cannot snap my fingers and pretend ALL these never ever happened. They were sweet, wonderful memories. And, i dont want to erase them. But if i dont, once and for all, how can i ever move on? My feelings for him are still here. I still want to be by him to care and support him. I still want to be that understanding, patient, honest, kind girl he knew months back when we were friends and when we started the relationship. But now, im so so tired. Im so tired of chasing. Im so so drained from keeping up to my own energy. What do i get in return? Just, tear drops. nothing more. They all say that a year is short. we can pull through with strength. But, i feel so so so damn weak. Its only been 2weeks and it felt like forever. I never wanted to let go. and it has been very very trying. i have been putting on fake smiles and laughters just so everything will be fine. Im crumbling into pieces. i am so tired. all i want is for him to tell me he misses me and he still likes and we can have another shot at this. let's just hold on. But, no. This aint happening. He said we can be like before. good friends. Really? Can we be like before? I am trying really hard to be like before. But him? I wished he knew all these. really. It's.....Just....So...Painful....So.....Tiring......

comment? / top